A Word about Family

Let's start with this quote from Richard Bach (the author of Jonathan Livingston Seagull)

The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life...

Don't be too impressed, I don't have the memory to pull out quotes on demand. This one I came across while decorating my stairway wall -- that huge angular space where family pictures are often the decor of choice. On my wall are framed quotes. This being one of them, another being the one at the top of this blog page.

I chose this quote because frankly I have a small family, especially nearby. Common DNA does not runneth over in these hamlets of the Philadelphia suburbs. So, over the years, I have come to appreciate good friends as the absent blood siblings and cousins of my "true" family. A friendship that manifests "respect" and "joy" is a keeper.

It is important for Phoebe to have a sense of family. Immediately upon our union, Phoebe will be an only child in a family of a single parent, and as a daughter through adoption. Eventually I will explain that families are made in lots of different ways. Our extended family will include (but not be limited to) a grandmom, grandpop, step grandmom, great Aunt and Uncle.

Phoebe will also have Uncle Dave, Aunt Sherry, and their children Jacob and Rachel (Hunan'08). Blood family? No. Friends bonded through respect and joy? Yes. Need proof? Uncle Dave has agreed to travel to China with me.

It's important to understand the circumstances of adoption travel to China. I get 7-10 days notice that I need to leave. Try telling an employer than you need 2 weeks vacation with a weeks' notice. Think about taking two weeks of your vacation time for a trip that isn't wholly a vacation. Being away from your family?

For couples adopting these circumstances are the same, but not exactly.

As a single, my choices felt limited. What friend would be able to be away from family for two weeks, have an employer who would be open to a last minute vacation for a non-family circumstance, or have two weeks of vacation to "burn"? The wait and unpredictability of the process also meant we never knew when that 7-10 day notice would come. What friend could have predicted where their lives would be after 4 years? (Cost is another matter entirely, and because the sacrifice I would be asking, I planned on paying for my travel companion from the beginning. If the wait has had any advantage, it has allowed me to save the money for this!)

Dave (and indirectly Sherry, Jacob and Rachel) is that friend. For me, it is the greatest gift I could ever receive. Almost a year ago, and acting on Bach's message I asked these good friends, Sherry and Dave, to be Aunt and Uncle for Phoebe. Now I read that quote again, and the qualities of respect and joy resonate even louder.

Better yet, Dave is not a passive companion. From the minute he was able to commit (April '10), he has been non-stop engaged in all the details of the adoption and travel process -- paperwork, travel info, packing tips, money conversion, places to eat and visit, all the technical details of computer, phone, cameras, predicting and preparing for my state of mind during the trip, researching, reading, reading, and more reading.

I could argue that Dave is more involved and excited for this trip than I am. Sure, he can be excited because he can take in the travel experience without the preoccupation of a frightened child plopped in your arms. On the other hand, I am a nervous nelly.

The idea of including good friends among your extended family is neither a difficult concept, nor a new one. It is, however, an important one to embrace. For our adoptive children who have been devoid of human connection and for anyone who values friendships that embody respect and joy, friends can offer the bond and the link to your family.

To everyone who entertained the idea of traveling with me, thank you.

Dave, your gift creates a special bond between our families -- our Forever Families. Thank you.