What Are All the Tears About?

My BTDT friends insist that I will be able to tell the difference between a hungry cry and an upset cry. I believe them, but I'm not very patient with the trial and error thing, especially when tears are involved.

To know me is to know I can cry. About a lot of things. Remember Johnny Olson, the announcer on the Price is Right?... Alice Buker ... "Come on Down!" Tears. Honest. I cried as these LA tourists, practically trampled people sitting in their row and tripping down the aisle to be the next contestant. But what kind of tears were they? Happy, sad, mad, ... ?

These last few weeks have brought tears, as well. Would you be surprised to know that they aren't all happy tears. Other kinds of tears can be just as real and important. Do you recognize when your tears are happy, sad, mad, or scared? I would contend that for many adoptive families the process is an emotional rollercoaster whether their wait was four weeks or four months or four years. There is loss in this process. For the couples who may grieve the loss of having a biological child. For the singles who may grieve the "married with children" dream. For the lost or strained relationships with friends and family who may not see the journey the same way we do. There is fear in this process. Fear of changing adoption policies that would squelch our dreams. Fear of the unknown. Fear of letting go of a sense of control to a process that seemed so mysterious and unpredicatable. For this reason I can easily jump to angry tears (especially when I know I could figure out a better process! See 6/12 post. LOL)

I know, too, that I have had happy tears these past couple of weeks. Happy to have friends who want to share in the joy and excitement. Happy to have family, near and far, who might actually want the news sooner than I! This weekend though I experienced a new kind of happy. The kind of happy that caught me off guard.

In a room of 25 women, maybe 6 were family, maybe 6 to 8 more were long acquaintances. The rest were "names" and associations I had heard of or were complete strangers. And when I got to thanking them for coming to celebrate, the happy tears came when I specifically addressed the women I did not know. All afternoon these women were joyful, genuinely engaged in understanding my adoption journey, as joyful and engaged as any blood relative or best friend. Thanking them for wanting to be there, for wanting to share their excitement with me, the step daughter of a good friend was overwhelmingly special, touching and required infamous Andrea tears. Thank you to all the women in Stoughton, I had happy tears on Saturday.